Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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