I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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