remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
