dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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