We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
