this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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