And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
