He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
