I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
