i'm signing you up for texting rehab
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
