This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize