His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
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someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
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i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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