I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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