what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
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I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
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Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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