I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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