dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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