Cold hands, warm shart.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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