two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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