i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
