i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
