My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize