I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
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my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
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if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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