Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
how do you play pong handcuffed?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
