I cockslap morals
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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