I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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