He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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