I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
