I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How external is "for external use only"?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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