Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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