Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
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WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
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I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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