I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
