I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
