The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
