hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Randomize