Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Im part way to drunk.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
