Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
