Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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