It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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