Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
