So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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