She's JV to your varsity
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
God I need to hump something, right now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
