Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
