are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just cropdusted the office
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
