Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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