i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
