Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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