It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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