i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
