Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He better not be in your backpack
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
