Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
