let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
