You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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