First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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