He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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