honey bunches of taint.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
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She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
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I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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