we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
