considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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