gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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