My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
