i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
