He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Its about making memories worth repressing
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
