Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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