More tranny stories later!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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