hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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